Boo? Yeah!

When I was in high school, there was a group of us that went to pretty much every haunted house in the Q.C. & surrounding area our junior & senior year. We got these little punch cards for all the Jaycee's houses and even went an hour out of town just to hit them all. Needless to say, I got a touch worn out on them and have not stepped foot in one since.

Halloween night rolls around and we're debating what to do, and end up agreeing to go to at least one haunted house and then maybe a party or two. We popped online to do some crash-course research and found this place in Orion, IL, that was getting some favorable reviews called Torment at Twelve Hundred. I'll be honest, I was not that enthused to go, but I also didn't want to do nothing on Halloween. Plus, this place was ranked in the top 10 on HauntedIllinois.com, so I figured it must be doing something right.

The night got off to an inauspicious start as we met up with some friends and promptly got lost while making the long & somewhat more-confusing-than-it-needed-to-be drive. (which was really our fault, in the end) We passed many barns & cornfields, but eventually discovered the plot of land at 1200 about 45 minutes before it was closing. It also had a Doggie Styles hot dog kiosk right next to it. (yes, I like the name too)

As we're making our way to the entrance, one of the security guards spies that someone in our group is wearing flip-flops, which is an apparent (and very understandable) no-no in the world of haunted houses, as are any open-heeled or open-toed footwear. The two of us that drove proceed to ransack our vehicles in search of any footwear we may have that would pass inspection, but to no avail. Incidentally, I found one shoe in the junkyard I call my trunk - which makes me very curious where his partner ended up. As the scavenging continued, our friend ended fashioning her own pair of shoes using a combination of duct tape and socks, but alas, this did not pass inspection either. We had made almost an hour drive & I'll be damned if we weren't getting into this haunt now.

So we came up with a potentially useful solution: we went to the Doggie Styes kiosk and asked if we could swap shoes with an employee for the next hour so that we could go through and then swap back when we were finished. Luckily, the great people there were more than accommodating and we had to perform minor surgery getting the duct tape shoes off of our friend. So with feet firmly crammed into shoes that were two sizes too small, we finally made it past inspection and gained access onto the grounds. This was to be my first haunted house experience in over 14 years & after everything we had gone through in the last hour & a half, I would be remissed to say that I didn't think it was going to be very exciting.

Holy crap.

That place was AWESOME! Haunted houses have come a LONG way since my memories of them back in the mid-90's. It was such an immersive experience and it started even before you paid the admission fee. As we weaved our way towards the entrance, we were abruptly greeted by Kirby - a portly, unshaven man-child wearing a hospital smock with blood stains, a bicycle helmet with the his name scratched across the front, and eating the nastiest looking Oreos I've ever seen. He also only communicated using four phrases: "What?" "Mama!" "Want some?" & "O.k." It was amazing how just those four phrases ended up being so hysterical as we attempted to communicate with him.

We were then treated to a video (which was more comical than creepy...and I don't think that was the desired effect) that set up the storyline for the haunt, and eventually made our way outside through a forest maze containing a multitude of zombies, creatures, and gravediggers popping out at random times causing the women in our group to scream ad nauseam. Next, we went back inside through the creepiest, yet frighteningly accurate looking trailer I'd ever seen which belonged to what can only be described as a knock-off Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs.

Unfortunately, this awesome ambiance led to our least favorite part of the haunt, which was also one of the main plot points of the established storyline...I think. We entered into a doctors quarters which, I feel, was just used in the wrong way. The over-the-top/community theatre performance of the doctor really took us out of the moment and we just hurried our way through the section and back outside to another maze. I think this area could be better utilized in the future - for instance, having the doctor irate that we interrupted his work and then just staring us down as we pass through while his nurse and caged "experiment" do their things. Anything more along those lines would be better than the Svengoolie act we were given.

Following a second outdoor experience, we went through the final part of the haunt, which was the sanitarium - & it was VERY well put together. Body bags, psycho clowns, spitting toilets, and creepy people the followed you around just long enough to be uncomfortable. It culminated with a spinning, black hole walk that created a sense of vertigo before dropping you off right back at the Doggie Styles kiosk.

With our adventure complete, shoes returned, and my faith in haunted houses restored, we headed back to the Q.C. and encouraged everyone that we could to go check the place out - which I am also doing here. Obviously, it's closed for the season, but if you're anywhere in the area, you should definitely check the place out next Halloween. I know we will.